Jan 11
3
Stop your self-sabotage
All of us have set goals at one time or another that we just couldn’t reach. Whether it be personal or professional, often it just seems that something within us gets in the way of success, and we settle for less than what we really deserve. For women over 50, this is especially true, as we tend to focus on others before we take care of our own needs.
Pat Pearson has written a book called Stop Self-Sabotage: Get Out of Your Own Way to Earn More Money, Improve Your Relationships, and Find the Success You Deserve, and I was fortunate to hear her talk about the subject. Here are some of her valuable tips for success.
Pat says we need to create a higher “Deserve Level,” casting away our self-defeating thoughts that get in our way. There are four components to your Deserve Level:
- Belief system– the “chatter” in your head, the good vs the bad. When you spend your time focusing on the bad (what you can’t do) then you don’t have the energy for the good things. Energy follows thought, and what you think about expands in your life. So expand the good, shrink the bad.
- Your level of self-esteem–Self esteem is the unconditional acknowledgment of who you are. Think of it as being loved by others, and loving yourself, for who you are, just because you are you. When a parent told you when you were young that you could do anything just because of who you were, that was a self-esteem builder. SelfEsteemforWomen.com says “There are many reasons why women suffer from low self-esteem. Perceived lack of self-worth, uncontrollable jealousy, relationship break-ups, high levels of anxiety or stress, inability to think positively, mild depression, and MANY other issues affect the self-esteem of millions of women every day.”
- Self-confidence–this is not the same as self esteem. It is conditional, based on what you’ve done and how successful you have been. The more success you have, the more self-confidence you have.
- Permission from your past–We have been programmed from the time we were very young to believe there were things we could and couldn’t do, that we were like certain people, or that we couldn’t do certain things because we “were girls.” So you must get out of your own way, get past the things that were drilled in to your mind that are inhibiting you, and give yourself permission to succeed.
Pat says there are five sabotages that we fall prey to.
- Throwing it away–because you don’t believe you deserve it, you never try to achieve it
- Resignation–you give up before you even start because you perceive that the obstacle are too great
- Denial–you don’t even recognize the opportunity as a possibility
- Settling–you settle for less because you think you don’t deserve the best
- Fatal flaw–perfectionism, procrastination, addictions and narcissism get in the way of success
To turn yourself around, you must take charge of your “self talk.” Self sabotage is rooted in fear of failure, so give yourself affirmations and believe what you say! When you notice yourself going negative, say to yourself “STOP” And if you can’t give yourself encouragement, just hang out with a few girlfriends who will feed your soul.
I say: Believe that you are worthy of excellence, just because you are you. Flourish in your life after 50, cast away your self-defeating thoughts and get ready to soar to new heights!
To read more of Pat’s insights and tips for defeating self-sabotage,Stop Self-Sabotage: Get Out of Your Own Way to Earn More Money, Improve Your Relationships, and Find the Success You Deserve
order her book from Amazon here.
