Don’t get me wrong.  I am the happiest menopausal woman you’ll ever meet. If anyone in the world was ready to skip past the sanitary products in the grocery store without a backward glance, it was me.  However, I have to admit that menopause is not for sissies.

First of all, I have so many hot flashes day and night, my “normal” body temperature is currently somewhere between a tropical rainforest and an active volcano.  I’ve heard it said that “ladies don’t sweat; they glisten.”  Well, I glisten so profusely in my sleep that my pillow now doubles as a flotation device.  These days, I call my half of the bed, “the swamp,” and my husband’s half, “the freaking-unfair-dry-as-a-bone” side (not that I’m bitter), although I have to admit, some nights the swamp creeps beyond its boundaries, depending on how far I roam.  Then he complains about how hot he was the night before, completely oblivious to the fact that I burst into actual flames at least ten times before dawn.

Also, I’m starving all the time, but if I eat so much as a rice cake with a smear of cheese product, I gain three pounds.  Oh, and then there are the heart palpitations, which I used to get when Johnny Depp appeared onscreen.  Now they happen whenever, wherever…swiftly followed by you guessed it, a hot flash.

And I get these headaches sometimes that feel like somebody’s knocking down a wall in my brain.  Speaking of my brain, where did it go?  I don’t remember giving it permission to go on vacation…

The other day I got up from the dinner table to write down something I wanted to buy at the grocery store.  I forgot what it was before I reached my notepad.  So, I just turned around and sat back down.  I’m sure my husband wondered what all that was about, but was probably too afraid to ask, poor thing.  His sweet, even-tempered wife will now, on occasion, misplace her temper at the slightest provocation, and turn into Menopausa the Slavering Beast, who will bite your head off and spit it across the room.

But, like I said, I’m happy.  No, really, I am.  Or maybe I just have gas…

Terri Kirby Erickson is the award-winning author of two books of poetry, Thread Count (2006), and Telling Tales of Dusk (2009).  You can read more about Terri  and her work in an earlier post here, and at  terrikirbyerickson.wordpress.com

Tags: Menopause, Women over 50

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Posted in Life in Balance Menopause by Guest Authors 3 Comments