I’ve created two Top 5 lists that summarize keypoints that will help you and your aging parent before crisis hits.

5 things I did (in my mother’s crisis) that helped
5 things I wish I had known and done beforehand

5 Things I did that helped us:

1. 1. From the start, my mother and I shared an end goal: to help her find the best quality of life for the rest of her life
2. I tried to put myself in my mother’s shoes. I often slowed myself down or stopped myself – to let Mom adjust, share her feelings and make decisions.
3. I approached challenges with a solution-oriented approach. No matter what the obstacle, I kept persevering.
4. I found and utilized a number of key friends/contacts to call upon for help, recommendations, and support. I said a sincere “Thank You” as often as possible to these folks. They were saints in my book.
5. I viewed this crisis as an “opportunity” (for my mother to find renewed health and a joyful life). Your perspective of the situation will make all the difference in how you respond.

5 Things I wish I had known and done (before my Mom’s crisis)

1. I wish I had been reading/educating myself on the stages of aging, eldercare and local resources. I was incredibly ignorant.  It was like a big black hole for me.
2. I wish my brother and I had been discussing options and possibilities for Mom’s future. It was as if we were all operating short-term, just making sure Mom was OK “today”.
3. Even though I lived 600 miles away, I wish I had gone back during those 3 months she had become housebound and seen things with my own eyes.  I was devastated when I saw her home and realized what it must have been like for my mother 24/7.
4. I wish I had had the phone number of her best friend, the only person my mother let in. Jean wishes she had had my phone number as well.
5. I wish I had had an understanding of her overall financial situation. I had to quickly gather and obtain information.  Even if  you believe someone else is monitoring the situation, review details for yourself.

Best wishes as you journey alongside your aging parent!  I hope that you both will “thrive and find joy”!

Tags: Aging Parents, Austin women, caregivers, Parenting Parents, sandwich generation, Women over 50

This entry was posted by Dale Carter on February 17, 2010 at 9:16 am. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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