Miraculous beauty.

Have you seen that ad on TV for the contraption that is supposed to miraculously make your double chin go away? I just about burst out laughing every time I see it. It’s for the “Neckline Slimmer” and here’s what their website says:

The Neckline Slimmer is a resistance toning system for the chin, neck and face muscles. It will help you appear years younger, giving you younger looking firmer skin without pain or surgery. All in just 2 minutes a day!!!

Helps eliminate sagging skin and helps drastically reduce the look of a double chin or neck fold. It does for your neckline what exercise does for your body – helps you look younger!

Again, I have burst out laughing. There is this little spring-loaded pump that you put between your chin and your clavicle. Then you nod your head up and down, while the resistance of the Slimmer contraption works on your neck flab. There are actually three springs so you can increase the resistance as your neck is regaining its youth. About all I can see that it does is to make your neck and jaw so sore that you can’t eat, thus reducing your calorie intake which in turn reduces your flab.

There are other “miracle products” out there to make us look our best. How about the Shape Changer, an industrial looking sling that goes under our bras to give us a major push-up. Not only does it increase our bust size, but it will improve our posture as well. Talk about uncomfortable! I can’t believe anyone would actually buy this thing.

Then there is the Veloform Chin Wrap, in case the Neckline Slimmer doesn’t work. According to their website, here’s what we do with the Veloform:

Apply the reaffirming reducer gel all over the chin including part of the neck. Then position the Velform chin reaffirmer, adjusting the size using its simple adapters. You will feel how it raises and fixes, enabling the Velform gel to work quickly and effectively.

The cells and the hanging skin unite while the gel shrinks the skin. At the same time, the Velform system gives the skin a micro-massage making the gel penetrate the hanging skin. This way, the amount of fat is reduced and the hanging skin is reaffirmed. Velform chin should be applied twice a day, once in the morning for 10 minutes when you get up and then at night for 20 minutes before going to bed. My husband would get a kick out of this one.

And there’s the Slimmer Belt. Again, from the website: The Slimmer Belt maximizes the benefits of your personal fitness program. The Slimmer Belt’s sauna-action retains moist warmth, so you shed excess water as you exercise. Snug zipper fit slims and trims appearance around your middle instantly, while helping to flatten and shape your abs. I am a 50+ woman experiencing menopause, who lives in Texas where it was over 100 degrees most every day this past summer. Even if it would shape my abs and make me look like Jennifer Aniston, I sweat enough without this thing.

I am not making this stuff up. You can see them for yourself here.  As Seen on TV

All these remind me of the time when I was a college sophomore wanting to look my best to attract a handsome guy. Remember those ads in the back of the magazines for the Mark Eden Bust Developer? Well, a friend and I pooled our funds and ordered one, sure that we would be voluptuous young coeds after using whatever-it-was that would magically transform our bodies in just minutes a day. When the package arrived, we burst out laughing (hmmm…there is a pattern here) when we saw a pink spring-loaded clamshell-shaped contraption that was molded to fit comfortably in our hands. Our bustlines were to be enhanced several sizes by doing exercises in various positions, bending over at the waist, raising our hands over our heads, etc. while squeezing the clamshell shut in 8-rep sets. Needless to say, it didn’t work, maybe because we didn’t stick with the program. I got a handsome guy anyway, with the body that God gave me to begin with.

So what do we learn from all these “miracle products?” Women are desperate for a quick fix to look good, slim down and be beautiful, all in just minutes a day. I’m taking the slower approach, working with a wellness coach to address the “total me.” Whether I look any different on the outside, I’ll definitely feel better on the inside. After all, inner beauty is what is really important. No slimmers, shapers or wraps needed here.